Small Object of Desire #69 – 3D Tattoos

For many years I wanted a tattoo but could never decide what I was willing to live with on my skin for the rest of my life. Now I’m glad I don’t have one because so many people think they are doing different by getting a tattoo when in fact there is such a proliferation of inked bodies that these days, it seems far more rebellious NOT to have a tattoo. Human beings have decorated and adorned their bodies one way or the other since time immemorial so tattoos aren’t going away any time soon. They’ve come a long way since anchors and swallows though. Even if like me, you’re never going to get a tattoo, you have to agree that these 3D ones are eye-popping to say the least.

You’ve got to wonder about the logic of some of them though. What would impel you to tattoo two eyes below your own? Or become a sort of walking billboard for a brand of famous shoes? And as for the breasts as baby. All I can say is why?

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Small Object of Desire #67 – Extra Large Slack Snack Sack


Words are threatening to fail me.

No, really. This kind of thing used to be REAL. Imagine calling your strides slacks. Is it redundant to ask what’s in the “patented action zone”? And what exactly is Dacron? Ah, a synthetic polyester fibre that is strong and resistant. It just keeps getting better!

I could say a lot more about hair trigger action zones, Dacron armour and how I hope the blonde knew what she was letting herself in for. All I’ll say is that poodle sure is looking impressed. Or something.